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Emory Women Writers Resource Project

Mundus Muliebris: Or, The Ladies Dressing-Room Unlock'd, and her Toilette Spread, an electronic edition

by Mary Evelyn [Evelyn, Mary, 1665-1685]

date: 1700
source publisher: Printed for Joseph Wild
collection: Early Modern through the 18th Century

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THE LADIES DRESSING-ROOM UNLOCK'D, And Her TOILETTE Spread, TOGETHER, With a Fop-Dictionary, and a Rare and Incomparable Receipt to make Pig, or Puppidog-Water for the Face.

(1)

A
VOYAGE to MARRYLAND;
OR, THE
LADIES DRESSING-ROOM.

Negotii sibi volet qui vim parare,
Navim, & Mulierem, haec duo comparato.
Nam nullae magis Res duae plus Negotii
Habent, forte si occeperis exornare.
Neque unquam satis hae duae Res ornantur,
Neque eis ulla orandi satis satietas est.
Plaut. Poenelus. Act. I. Scen. 2.

Whoever has a mind to abundance of Trouble,
Let him furnish himself with a Ship and a
Woman,
For no two things will find you more Employment,
If once you begin to Rig them out with all their
Streamers.

B

| | 2

Nor are they ever suffiently adorned,
Or satisfy'd, that you have done enough to set them forth.

He that will needs to Marry-Land
Adventure, first must understand
For's Bark, what Tackle to prepare,
'Gainst Wind and Weather, wear and tare:
Of Point d'Espagne, a Rich Cornet,
Two Night-Rails, and a Scarf beset
With a great Lace, a Colleret.
One black Gown of Rich Silk, which odd is
Without one Colour'd, Embroider'd Bodice:
Four Petticoats for Page to hold up,
Four short ones nearer to the Crup:
Three Manteaus, nor can Madam less
Provision have for due undress;
Nor demy Sultane, Spagnolet,
Nor Fringe to sweep the Mall forget,
Of under Bodice three neat pair
Embroider'd, and of Shoos as fair:
Short under Petticoats pure fine,
Some of Japan stuff, some of Chine,
| | 3 With Knee-high Galoon bottomed,
Another quilted White and Red;
With a broad Flanders Lace below:
Four pair of Bas de foy shot through
With Silver, Diamond Buckles too,
For Garters, and as Rich for Shoo.
Twice twelve day Smocks of Holland fine,
With Cambric Sleeves, rich Point to joyn,
(For she despises Colbertine.)
Twelve more for night, all Flanders lac'd,
Or else she'll think her self disgrac'd:
The same her Night-Gown must adorn,
With two Point Wastcoats for the Morn:
Of Pocket Mouchoirs Nose to drain,
A dozen lac'd, a dozen plain:
Three Night-Gowns of rich Indian stuff,
Four Cushion Cloths are scarce enough,
Of Point, and Flanders, not forget
Slippers embroidered on Velvet:
A Manteau Girdle, Ruby Buckle,
And Brillant Diamond Rings for Knuckle:
Fans painted, and perfumed three;
Three Muffs of Sable, Ermine, Grey;
Nor reckon it among the Baubles,
A Palatine also of Sables.
B2
| | 4 A Saphire Bodkin for the Hair,
Or sparkling Facet Diamond there:
Then Turquois, Ruby, Emrauld Rings
For Fingers, and such petty things;
As Diamond Pendants for the ears,
Must needs be had, or two Pearl Pears,
Pearl Neck-lace, large and Oriental,
And Diamond, and of Amber pale;
For Oranges bears every Bush,
Nor values she cheap things a rush.
Then Bracelets for her Wrists bespeak,
(Unless her Heart-stings you will break)
With Diamond Croche for Breast and Bum,
Till to hang more on there's no room.
Besides these Jewels you must get
Cuff Buckles, and an handsom Set
Of Tags for Palatine, a curious Hasp
The Manteau 'bout her Neck to clasp
Nor may she want a Ruby Locket,
Nor the fine sweet quilted Pocket;
To play at Ombre or Basset,
She a rich Pulvil Purse must get,
With Guineas fill'd, on Cards to lay,
With which she fancies most to play:
| | 5 Nor is she troubled at ill fortune,
For should the bank be so importune,
To rob her of her glittering Store,
The amorous Fop will furnish more.
Pensive and mute, behind her shoulder
He stands, till by her loss grown bolder,
Into her lap Rouleau conveys,
The softest thing a Lover Says:
She grasps it in her greedy hands,
Then best his Passion understands;
When tedious languishing has fail'd,
Rouleau has constantly prevail'd.
But too go on where we left off,
Though you may think what's said enough;
This is not half that does belong
To the fanstastick Female Throng:
In Pin-up Ruffles now she flaunts,
About her Sleeves are Echelles,
Gloves trimm'd, and lac'd as fine as Nells.
Twelve dozen: Martial, whole, and half,
Of Jonquil, Tuberose, (don't laught)
Frangipan, Orange, Violet,
Narcissus, Jassemin, Ambrett:
| | 6 And some of Chicken skin for night,
To keep her Hands, plump, soft, and white,
Mouches for pushes, to be sure,
From Paris the tre-fine procure,
And Spanish Paper, Lip, and Cheek,
With Spittle sweetly to belick:
Nor therefore spare in the next place,
The Pocket Sprunking Looking-Glass;
Calembuc Combs in Pulvil Cafe,
To set, and trim the Hair and Face:
And that the Cheeks may both agree,
Plumpers to fill the Cavity.
The Settee, Cupee, place aright,
Relange, Fontange, Favorite;
Monte la haut, and Palisade,
Sorti, Flandan, (great helps to Trade)
Burgoine, Jardine, Cornett,
Frilal next upper Pinner set,
Round which it does our Ladies please
To spread the Hood call'd Rayonnes:
Behind the Noddle every Baggage
Wears bundle Choux in English, Cabbage:
Nor Cruches she, nor Confidents,
Nor Passagers, nor Bergers wants,
| | 7 And when this Grace Nature denies,
An Artificial Tour supplies;
All which with Meurtriers unite,
And Creve-Coeurs silly Fops to smite,
Or take in Toil at Park or Play,
Nor Holy Church is safe, they say,
Where decent Veil was wont to hide,
The Modest Sex Religions Pride
Lest these yet prove too great a Load
'Tis all compris'd in the Commode;
Pins tipt with Diamond Point, and head,
By which the Curls are fastened,
In radiant Firmament set out,
And over all the Hood sur-tout:
Thus Face that E'rst near head was plac'd
Imagine now about the Wast,
For Tour on Tour, and Tire on Tire,
Like Steeple Boy, or Grantham Spire,
Or Septizonium once at Rome;
(But does not half so well become
Fair Ladies Head) you here behold
Beauty by Tyrant Mode controll'd
The graceful Oval, and the Round,
This Horse Tire does quite confound;
| | 8 And Ears like Satyr, Large and Raw,
And bony Face, and hollow Jaw;
This monstrous Dress does now reveal
Which well plac'd Curls did once conceal.
Besides all these, 'tis always meant
You furnish her Appartiment,
With Moreclack Tapestry, Damask Bed,
Or Velvet richly embroidered:
Branches, Brasfero, Cassolets,
A Cofre-fort, and Cabinets,
Vasas of Silver, Porcelan, store
To set, and range about the Floor:
The Chimney Furniture of Plate,
(For Iron's now quite out of date:)
Tea-Table, Skreens, Trunks, and Stand,
Large Looking-Glass richly Japan'd,
And hanging Shelf, to which belongs
Romances, Plays, and Amorous Songs;
Repeating Clocks, the hour to show
When to the Play 'tis time to go,
In Pompous Coach, or else Sedan'd
With Equipage along the Strand,
And with her new Beau Fopling mann'd:
| | 9 A new Scene to us next presents,
The Dressing-Room, and Implements,
Of Toilet Plate Gilt, and Emboss'd,
And several other things of Cost:
The Table Miroir, one Glue Pot,
One for Pomatum, and what not?
Of Washes, Unguents, and Cosmeticks,
A pair of Silver Candlesticks;
Snuffers, and Snuff-dish, Boxes more,
For Powders, Patches, Waters store,
In silver Flasks or Bottles, Cups
Cover'd, or open to wash Chaps;
Nor may Hungarian Queen's be wanting,
Nor store of Spirits against fainting:
Of other waters rich, and sweet,
To sprinkle Handkerchief is meet;
D'Ange, Orange, Mill-Fleur, Myrtle,
Whole Quarts the Chamber to bespertle:
Of Essence rare, & le meillure
From Rome, from Florence, Montpellier,
In Filgran Casset to repel,
When Scent of Gousset does rebel,
Though powder'd Allom be as good,
Well strew'd on, and well understood;
C
| | 10 For Vapours that offend the Lass,
Of Sal Armoniack a Glass:
Nor Brush for Gown, no Oval Salver,
Nor Pincushion, nor Box of Silver,
Baskets of Fil'gran, long and round,
Or if Japonian to be found,
And the whole Town so many yield,
Calembuc Combs by dozens fill'd
You must present, and a world more,
She's a poor Miss can count her store.
The Working Apron too from France,
With all its trim Apurtenance;
Loo Masks, and whole, as wind does blow,
And miss abroad's dispos'd to go:
Hoods by whole dozens, White and Black,
And store of Coiffs she must not lack,
Nor Velvet Scarfs about her Back,
To keep her warm; all these at least
In amber'd Skins, or quilted Chest
Richly perfum'd, she Lays, and rare
Powders for Garments, some for Hair
Of Cyprus and of Corduba,
And the Rich Polvil of Goa,
| | 11 Nor here omit the Bob of Gold
Which a Pomander Ball does hold,
This to her side she does attach
With Gold Crochet, or French Pennache,
More useful far than Feruda,
For any saucy Coxcombs Jaw:
A graceful Swing to this belongs,
Which he returns in Cringe, and Songs,
And languishing to kiss the hand,
That can Prefumed blows command.
All these, and more in order set,
A large rich Cloth of Gold Toilet
Does cover, and to put up Rags,
Two high Embroider'd Sweet Bags,
Or a large Perfum'd Spanish Skin,
To wrap up all these Trinkets in.
But I had almost quite forgot,
A Tea and Chocolate Pot,
With Molionet, and Caudle Cup,
Restoring Breakfast to sup up:
Porcelan Saucers, Spoons of Gold,
Dishes that refin'd Sugars hold;
Pastillios de Bocca we
In Box of beaten Gold do see,
C2
| | 12 Inchas'd with Diamonds, and Tweeze
As Rich and Costly as all these,
To which a bunch of Onyxes,
And many a Golden Seal there dangles,
Mysterious Cyphers, and new fangles:
Gold is her Toothpick, Gold her Watch is,
And Gold is every thing she touches:
But tir'd with numbers I give o're,
Arithmetick can add no more,
Thus Rigg'd the Vessel, and Equipp'd,
She is for all adventures Shipp'd,
And Portion e're the year goes round,
Does with her Vanity confound.
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